...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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