She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
