I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
