This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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