Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
