I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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