Got a toothbrush?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
