it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
