I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I touched a dick in church today
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
