HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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