dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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