i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
