JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
