Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
