I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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