upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize