Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
