your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
