I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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