I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
