I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
