I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
