i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
