You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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