her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
