Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
