He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
