he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
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