I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
