You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Randomize
