You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
