I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
