JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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