You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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