Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
