the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
