barbara walters just said penis...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
