You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize