Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Alive.
So much puke
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
