She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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