so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
