Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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