thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
