Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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