listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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