WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
