i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
