Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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