you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
