I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
