I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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