do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
