Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
