News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
