Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i out mim tonsoeep
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