literally had 100 drinks last night.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
