thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
