You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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