oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize