Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
