Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
