Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
