Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
