I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
