I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
