Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize