All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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