it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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