The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
