the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
there is puke in my bra ... again
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