How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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